The gunshot echoed through the bathroom, and the bullet followed suit as it pinged off the tile floor and walls. It ended up spinning across the counter into the sink.

Gojyo, meanwhile, ended up on his ass tangled up in the shower curtain.

“You take your fucking gun in the fucking shower?”

Sanzo tch’ed at him indiscriminately. He was standing in the shower stall, facing the spray. It was a light spray, from a crappy showerhead, but enough to send steam curling through the room and fogging up the mirror. He was naked--although with a dignified air that seemed determined to deny that fact--and currently had his back to Gojyo. Gojyo couldn’t complain about the view. Sanzo had a nice ass.

But his own ass was hurting like a bitch at the moment.

“You almost blew my head off, bastard!”

“The hell do you expect barging in on people’s privacy?” Then, for good measure: “Fucking pervert.”

Gojyo struggled to his feet, thrashing his way out of the shower curtain he’d accidentally torn down while dodging the Smith and Wesson Sanzo now had resting on a far shower shelf out of the spray. Gojyo was also naked, but not overtly suave at the moment. His ass was probably as red as a cherry.

The other Cherry was now lathering up a washcloth and pretending Gojyo wasn’t there.

“Can’t blame me if you don’t understand a bit of romance,” Gojyo said to Sanzo’s back. To his ass. A reminder of why he put up with this sort of shit. Yeah. “Although I guess I shouldn’t expect much from a tight-ass monk.”

Sanzo’s ass actually clenched a little bit at that. Gojyo would have laughed hysterically if Sanzo wasn’t still within reach of his gun. “I’m not so sure about your ideas of romance,” Sanzo said, irritably but calmly enough to be in complete contradiction to his ass. “Seems to me your romanticism hasn’t done much to get you laid recently.”

“There’s a fucking waiting list. Ladies have to take a number and everything.”

Sanzo snorted. He ran the soapy washcloth up his chest. Then down one arm, switched hands and down the other. When he noticed Gojyo hadn’t left yet, he said, “Fuck off.”

Gojyo leered and stepped into the shower stall behind him. Sanzo kept his back to him and might have eased just slightly away, but otherwise he didn’t flinch. Just glowered, the washcloth stationary on his upper arm.

Gojyo leaned forward until his face was right by Sanzo’s ear. The warm water reached just enough of him to speckle his face and wet his hair as it brushed against Sanzo’s back.

“How about just the fuck part?”

For a moment Sanzo was silent. The water fell and the steam rose.

Then Sanzo threw the washcloth in Gojyo’s face.

“Pbblrrth,” said Gojyo (or some equivalent of that). “Fucking asshole!”

“I’m showering,” Sanzo growled, reaching for the shampoo. “Not all of us have the thick-headed libido to get turned on in a goddamn shower.”

Gojyo brushed the fallen washcloth out of his way with his foot and came closer again, this time putting his hands on Sanzo’s hips. “Well have you ever tried it, Sanzo-sama?”

“Having a thick-headed libido?”

“Getting turned on in a shower.”

Gojyo had suspected all along that Hakkai might have a bit of a closeted kinky side. It was always the quiet ones, after all. And Hakkai’s smiles could be pretty damn suspicious when he was telling one of those vague jokes that only really made sense in his own mind and at everyone else’s expense. Gojyo had looked forward to possibly seeing that secret devilish side in bed.

Gojyo also knew that Hakkai was a great cook--everybody knew that--and that Hakkai made very good desserts.

But Gojyo had never in his wildest dreams thought that Hakkai might combine the two. At least not in this manner.

“Uh… Hakkai?” he said.

“Yes?” Hakkai was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, knitting something. Naked and knitting something.

“…Why is the bathtub filled with jello?”

“It’s strawberry,” said Hakkai.

“Uh. Ok.”

Gojyo was only half naked. He’d been on his way to an actual bath when he’d found Hakkai in his current position. Apparently Hakkai had been waiting for him to wake up. Gojyo was all for surprise sex, but there was a scale of surprises in Gojyo’s book. They ranged from Fantastic to Completely Unwanted And Horrible. This surprise was somewhere in the middle. In the Really Fucking Weird zone. Sometimes Gojyo thought Hakkai had a monopoly on that zone.

“Is it instant?” Gojyo asked.

Hakkai gave him a dubious-amused look over his glasses--they were the only thing he was wearing. “Really, I didn’t know you thought that lowly of me.”

Gojyo walked over to him. Sauntered. If there was going to be sex, he could play along. For the most part. He stared into the red filling the tub. “Strawberry, huh?”

“Strawberry.”

“Huh.”

Hakkai stood, leaned over to lay his half-finished knitting project on the counter by the sink. Then he ran his hands down Gojyo’s chest. Gojyo was just wearing his usual wifebeater and boxers. Hakkai’s hands were cold as they slipped under his shirt.

the amount of wrong makes me scream with glee...please oh please oh please.

Oh man, seconding this.

Yes! and rough as two animals can be!

Ahh yes, best prompt ever...

The door crashed open and Sanzo, his face like thunder, stormed in, dragging Goku behind him by the scruff of the neck. He kicked the door shut again and hauled Goku across the room, where he threw him, face down, over the back of the sofa.

"Waaah, Sanzo! Stop! I di'n't mean ta! Lemme go, lemme go, lemme go!"

"Shut up!"

Sanzo had flipped up Goku's jacket and shirt by now, exposing the small of his back, and was tugging his pants down, as Goku continued wailing and protesting his innocence. They were making so much noise, they hadn't even noticed Hakkai, sitting quietly in a corner, reading his book. He wondered if he should make his presence known, and get up and leave, but then Sanzo's hand cracked down on Goku's bared bottom and Hakkai realized it was too late. He sat motionless, trying to keep his breathing slow and quiet.

Another sharp slap and Goku started struggling to get up, but the sofa back was too high for him to get his feet to the ground and the angle too awkward. Sanzo spanked him again and again Goku cried out, "Please, Sanzo! Stop! Stop!"

His buttocks were already dappled with Sanzo's handprints and turning pinker with each smack. Hakkai swallowed, praying this would end soon, but Sanzo was showing no sign of relenting. His hand kept coming down, harder and harder, making Goku's body jerk and his legs kick out reflexively.

"You little shit," Sanzo hissed, raising his arm higher and putting real force behind the next strike. "How many times do I have to tell you to think before rushing in?"

"I forgot!" Goku whimpered miserably, and tried to shield his reddened butt with a hand but Sanzo grabbed it by the wrist, and pinned it to his back, before delivering a particularly harsh smack to the vulnerable-again flesh.

"Then perhaps not being able to sit down for a week will teach you to remember," Sanzo growled and, at last, Goku went limp and stopped fighting him. Hakkai thought the punishment might end there, but Sanzo was like a thing possessed, raining down blow after blow on Goku's shuddering buttocks. Hakkai was amazed he could keep going like that; his hand must be stinging badly by now.

He cleared his throat and stood up. "Ah, Sanzo-"

Sanzo's head snapped round, eyes blazing.

"What? This is none of your business! You have no idea what he did, so keep your criticism to yourself!"

Hakkai smiled.

"I wasn't going to criticize. In fact, I'm all in favour of a little discipline. However, I was going to suggest that only one of the people involved should be feeling any pain."

As Sanzo blinked in surprise. Hakkai continued, "I have a paddle. If you'd like to borrow it?"

"A what?"

"One moment."

this sounds interesting. Does Anon Requester mind if I take about a week? I'd like to do this, but I'm mondo busy?

I've got an idea for this one. I'll take it, please.

hm, I might take this one, have an interesting idea for it. Though one question, is there any specific motive you would want Sanzo to have?

[Sorry I'm so late to this! I hope anon approves.]

“I feel like a broken record, but you are most definitely a curse, Gojyo.”

“Yeah, you sound like one. And you can’t pin this one on me this time!”

‘This time’ would be the group of youkai that currently surrounded Gojyo and Sanzo. The two had just gone off a little too far into the woods for a smoke when they’d been ambushed by the group.

“Ya look familiar,” the lead youkai said with a snicker, leering at Sanzo, who cursed the fact that he was temporarily out of bullets. “Yer that monk that’s travelin’ t’ the West, ain’t ya? The one that’s got a big reward on ‘is head.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sanzo deadpanned, and Gojyo snickered. Maybe these dumbasses would leave them alone if they didn’t actually know who Sanzo was. A light bulb suddenly flickered to life in his mind.

“Yeah, I’m just trying to get a little alone time with my boyfriend,” Gojyo teased, innocently draping an arm around Sanzo’s shoulders. The glare he received could have melted ice, but he ignored it. The kappa was betting on the reaction that the youkai would get disgusted and bolt.

Gojyo guessed wrong.

The youkai looked among themselves for a moment, and then back to Gojyo, where the leader once again spoke. “You two are-”

“Yup,” Gojyo answered proudly, this time pressing a kiss to Sanzo’s brow for emphasis. This earned him a kick in the leg.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, kappa?”

“Just play along,” he whispered. Any second now, the gang would turn tail and leave them be.

“That’s pretty hot,” another youkai murmured, and others around him began voicing their agreement.

“Yeah, it- what?” Gojyo blinked in disbelief.

“What?” Sanzo repeated, looking just as shocked.

“If you two really are hooking up,” the leader said with a smirk. “Give us a little show.”

“No fucking way,” Sanzo started, but Gojyo elbowed him once more.

“What happened to playing along?”

“Not a fucking chance in hell,” the priest snarled back, fighting against Gojyo’s grip.

“Yeah,” another youkai chimed in. “We wanna see you give it to him good.”

“Or we’ll just go and kill you anyway,” the leader threatened.

“Look,” Gojyo said, whispering in Sanzo’s ear. The blond fought back a shiver at the feel of warm breath on his skin. “Hakkai and Goku are bound to sense their chi and come over here. We’ll just distract them for a bit until they get here.” Sanzo started to protest, but Gojyo cut him off. “You used the sutra earlier today, so you probably don’t have enough energy to use it again.”

“Fine,” Sanzo huffed, wondering why exactly he was agreeing to this. “I’ll kill you for this later.”

“I’ll mark it on my calendar.” Noticing that the audience was getting a little restless, Gojyo decided to get things out of the way. Some kissing and groping would probably be enough of a diversion and then Goku and Hakkai would show up and help kick everyone’s asses. Not to mention that Gojyo had always sort of secretly thought about what it would be like to be with Sanzo. The only difference was that he’d never thought about being watched while doing it.

He pulled down the fabric of Sanzo’s shirt to expose his neck and began nibbling at the pale skin there. With a sort of gasp, Sanzo involuntarily leaned into it. Gojyo could hear the youkai talking amongst themselves, sounding like they approved.

With a smirk, he decided to be a bit bolder. He grabbed Sanzo’s ass.

oh this fits something i'm supposed to be writing in the first place. I'm on it.